Sunday, November 22, 2009

TWILIGHT, L'amour Miséraaaaable: A Vegan Fantasy

1834, "hobby, pet project;" 1881 as "fashion, craze," perhaps shortened from fiddle-faddle. Or perhaps from Fr. fadaise "trifle, nonsense," ult. from L. fatuus "stupid."

Original definition of "fad"

With the cinematic unleashing of Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” Saga, the once folkloric and mythological Vampire brand of seductive, gothic romance, nightly mischief and mass hysteria has shifted into a frosty terrain of mopey, emo-tinged, sexless, blood-sucking abstinence. And let us not forget: health-conscious - - instead of stakes, the film features a steak sandwich or lack (of meat) thereof (Meyer herself makes a cameo as “Woman Who Orders a Vegetarian Salad in the Diner”) - - vampire culture has gone from blood-red to green excitement. Oh, what a sad time for a vampire to be immortal. (See how a centuries-old vampire is coping with the contemporary film and literature fictional-shift.)

By definition, Meyer’s “beloved” (doesn’t it take at least a decade to reach beloved status) vampire-based novels and (Production Designer par excellence) Director Catherine Hardwicke’s first entry in the film series, TWILIGHT, have achieved cult status amongst a rabid fan-base of young adults, primarily tween and teenaged girls. If the film and the universally accepted lifestyles it has promoted are any indication of where (young) modern America is headed, I’d welcome anyone to drive a stake through my heart and be vanquished of this culture shock.

After the ‘cold open’, wherein the film’s production and distribution company’s snow-enshrouded Summit Entertertainment logo in cool aquamarine (which constitutes the film’s main color palette) fills the screen, an equally chilling line is uttered by Isabella Marie "Bella" Swan (Kristen Stewart): “I’ve never given much thought to how I would die” - - this is both a character name and a line of dialogue given heavy weight of wisdom and maturity not befitting of a modern-day American teenager who speaks it (unless, of course, she was featured in an Anne Rice novel). I’d have been thoroughly interested if this was being spoken in voiceover by the pre-slaughtered fawn in the film’s opening minutes, a scene reminiscent of both the stately deer’s demise in Michael Mann’s THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS and the sacrificial lambs surrounding the lushly, ethereal pond setting in James Whale’s BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN.

As the film progresses, we discover that Bella and her peers are no ordinary teenagers, but those characterized by the stereotypical Emo sub-culture: wherein guys are more sensitive than girls, yet both sexes lead an angst-ridden, tortured and depressed existence while donning apparel that is correspondingly suicidal and where short or tall, choppy, low-banged hair makes up 75% of their ‘look’ best represented by the human mortal counterparts, the vampiric coven of the Cullen Family (Emo Royalty, who flamboyantly shimmer like diamonds in the sun’s rays) and Bella’s prey, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) who no one at Forks High School seems to understand.

Despite the ill effects the current economy has had on millions, modern-day teenagers (most particularly, Bella) in Hardwicke’s film really have nothing to feel tortured about: they have a (multiple) cell phone(s), home computer (and/or laptop), the unlimited pleasures the Internet has to offer (e.g. access to FaceBook and Twitter accounts), luxury automobiles and parents who show concern for them and fend for their well-being. Quel dommage! Incidentally, the one and only time Bella shows any sincere enthusiasm in the entire film is when her father, Charlie Swan (Billy Burke) gifts her with a truck he has purchased from his friend, Billy Black (Gil Mirmingham) and son Jacob (Taylor Lautner). Perhaps it’s in the drinking water - - in fact, the only instance anyone drinks from the tap is Bella during a conversation she has with her father in their kitchen - - as he’s typically placed near a bargain pack of Dannon bottled-water and cans of beer.

The social network in Forks, Washington (population “3,120 people”, Bella grumbles) where TWILIGHT’s events unfold can only be deemed as ironic dysfunction when compared with other educational institutions (real or cinematically fictitious, you may decide). Characters engage in lingo indicative of current social trends (e.g. “google it”; “Chillax”; “I’m down the with kids” and “You’re the bomb”), the majority of the student body seem to intuit and welcome Bella as if she’s of a celebrity-status (in this case, Sherry Potter) and yet Bella gives everyone the brush advising that she’s the “silent, suffering type”. Bella’s dad, the Chief of Police, has no idea that his daughter, the metaphorical Pandora’s Box (gift wrapped by Chastity), has conveniently liberated an age-old blood feud between a race of vampires spawned by the Volturi (an ancient race of Italian vampires) and Quileute (a.k.a. Quillayute) Indians who are able to transform into werewolves.

So, Emily Bronte’s classic WUTHERING HEIGHTS has been transferred from the Yorkshire moors to the gloomy Pacific Northwest and grafted with fangs and fur! Unlike the conversations featured in this revered classic of English literature, Meyer’s discourse in wuthering Washington State tends to be commonplace and awkward. Questions are dodged; secrets are kept and then revealed later; nervousness ensues. Mankiewicz or Chayefsky wouldn’t dare partake in such screenwriting trifles and/or released work one would connote to a fad. Bella literally shakes off potential friends in a school gymnasium who try to enter in a dialogue with her. And her movements are equally oblivious when she opens a car door into Jacob or slips and falls on a patch of ice. I understand the latter being a plot device, both that Bella is on shaky ground and that it hints at an accident involving the employment of Edward’s superhuman vampire strength and a van that nearly crushes Bella in a parking lot. But her actions are consistently clumsy and mopey and why she attracts everyone in her orbit, I may never know - - unless I read the books to discover that she holds the key to the ultimate human question - - but, that’s another medium for another post (that may never be); I digress.

Bella and Edward get past their initial awkward teenage adolescent hang-ups (that still exist come the climax) and become an item. Just as Romeo and Juliet participated in a doomed romance so are Kristen Stewart and RPatz’s protagonists as Edward fears he may altogether consume (i.e. drink, bite, devour) Bella if he is overcome by his animal urges. What ensues are scenes that are as uncomfortable to watch as they are laughable e.g. when Edward erratically squirms in Bella’s presence and looks as if he’s going to V in his M. TWILIGHT’s closest cinematic counterpart (save for the nomadic vampires’ long ‘hesher’ hair that came and went with THE LOST BOYS who are intent on killing Bella) may be CAT PEOPLE that contained a similar theme of controlling one’s animal desire for the sake (and safety) of a lover in that Irena Dubrovna (Simone Simon) refused to become intimate with her fiancé Oliver Reed (Kent Smith) innately knowing that she’d transform into a dangerous panther thereby tearing him to shreds. Jacques Tourneur’s and Val Lewton’s horror classic however, favored style over substance (and passing fancies). And if the first entry in the book series come to screen is any sign of things to come for the TWILIGHT Saga, this will be a quadrilogy that is anything but bella.

No comments: